Monday, September 23, 2013

What Rides Would You Have at Union Heritage Disneyworld?

Per request from Commenter Austin. But everyone take part. It could be lotsa fun!


  1. Not a ride...but an authentic 'Contraband Camp Village.'

    Complete with rotten tents (items rejected by the federal army), shanties (for those who didn't get a tent), massive graveyard - and beside the graveyard a big shack called a 'hospital' with no doctors or medicine.

  2. A Connie Chastain Roller Coaster.

    It just goes around and and around and makes you dizzy.


  3. ...not that I would count my 'Village' post to be amusing or fun. Just a sad and ironic truth.

  4. The first ride at Union Heritage Disney would be located within the New England Park section. It would of course, be a ride on a replica slave ship. It would be called, naturally, "The Boston", and it would be a tight-pack model. The ride would be below deck in the "hold"'. The " hold" would be covered in feces, urine, blood, and vomit, and hundreds of animatronic Africans in chains would pitifully groan in desperate agony. At specific intervals, Boston sailors would come below deck to retrieve the dead and dying Africans, then hurl them overboard where they would be eaten by animatronic sharks. Simulated rape of the female Africans would be included, as would the raw whipping of recalcitrant males. Fun for the whole family!

    Sorry folks, the slave auction in Boston Common is a separate ride!

    PS- Thanks Connie��

  5. Roller coasters go up and down, Corey. Merry-go-rounds and ferris wheels go round and round.

  6. Austin, you forgot Old Glory flying on the ship.

  7. "A hospital with no Doctors of medicine". Now that, was very, very, funny. And Connie, I don't know how I forgot that odious symbol of the New England slave-trade. So of course the U.S. Flage would proudly fly over the slave ship ride at Disney.

    OK. Next ride is called the "Habeus Corpus". It is a hi-speed roller coaster with plenty of exciting turns and twists, all designed and intended to give the rider a magnificent sense of exuberance and freedom. Can't go on it though, the Park Director has suspended its operation.

  8. I would install a love boat ride for Yankee whites only called "The Trancendentalism". Yankee couples would start out in a dark tunnel on a Walden cabin style boat watching on the walls a holographic projection of the background of Thoreau and the Trancendentalist movement, then after 5 minutes the hologram would 'shock switch' the movie to scenes of violence and mayhem caused by modern day blacks killing whites, to emphasize the point liberals like to transcend the responsibility of their ideals.

  9. How about a firing range where you win a buffalo skin for shooting X amount of robotic dummies of Plains Indians?

  10. The walk around park characters would include raving lunatics like John Brown and Thaddeus Stevens, who'd both fall down and concussion hysterically on killing Southerners, not freeing slaves.

  11. It's ice cream parlor would serve balls of chocolate brown ice cream embellished with candy coating looking like the head of a freed slave or Frederick Douglas.

  12. Well, I don't know if one can get a ride out of this, but I see hatred and intolerance for Confederate History is expanding to other historical sites. It is no surprise that in due time the hate mongering Yankees would incite hatred for other historical sites. The precedent has been set.

    Like screaming "fire" in a crowded theater, the hate mongers create an atmosphere and a stampede that encourages hatred and eventually vandalism for all historical landmarks.

    Vandals torch statue of Ronald Reagan at famous California sports park

    Vandals torched a bronze, life-size statue of Ronald Reagan in an apparent arson fire in a Southern California sports park named after the 40th president.

    10 Commandments monument toppled by vandals in Washington
    Published September 23, 2013
    Associated Press

    WASHINGTON – A stone monument of the Ten Commandments that sits on a street behind the U.S. Supreme Court in Washington and was the subject of controversy in the past has been toppled by vandals.

  13. Massacre an Amero-Indian village. Be your favorite former Northern general fresh from Southern genocide in Dixie. Of course, Amero-Indians will just be mannequins, but it will feel so good and empowering pretending to slash and shoot them. Can you burn the village down before your other Northern veterans? Who will you portray? Sheridan? Custer? Sherman?

    Enjoy the latest in CGI, real person shooter gaming! Can you as a Northern veteran kill more Amero-Indians than the Floggers! Come on up to the Union Heritage Disneyworld. Blacks need not come. We don't live near Blacks. We don't teach Blacks. Blacks are not welcome. Living near Blacks is what we force racist Southerners to do when we are not committing genocide against them.

  14. As I delight in reminding everyone that slavery was perfectly legal in both the United States and the Confederate States, and borrowing from the spirit of the comments made about the Confederate Heritage rides...

    How about a variation of “It’s a Small World” called “My Old Kentucky Slave Plantation?” The singing dolls could be pickaninnies, and the ride would feature scenes from a majestic plantation–slaves chopping Tobacco rascally ol Massa sneaking down to the quarters at night, and Missus being fanned as she sips tea. Since it’s a family ride, we should omit snarling dogs and whipping. Captured Black contraband laborers could be the ticket takers for added authenticity. It would be a regular slave jamboree!


Comments are welcome, but monitored.